*3.36 am* Sleep eludes me.
I haven’t been feeling well since this morning. Got a minor throat infection (thanks to the UK weather) and mild fever. It was a rest day after many weeks of exhausting work shifts and a wonderful Scarborough trip. Basically I’m not sleepy and kinda bored of tossing and turning in bed so I’ve decided to write a random life update instead. Bear with me.
It has been close to four months since I started applying for jobs with no success (yet) and it took a huge toll on me. I was in this constant state of being stuck, a helpless low and I kept questioning my worth every other day. It was tiring. Over the last two weeks though, I’ve consciously worked on not stressing out too much and find solutions instead. I’m not sure how long it is going to last, but at least I have some clarity now. I’ve figured out what I want (if only partly) and what are the practical things I can control. It is working out, bit by bit. But it has been a long, lengthy and frustrating process.
In the last few months I’ve also grown up a lot, all of a sudden. It is not only because of my personal experiences but also because of the role I’m playing in the lives of the people around me. I’ve been so involved in so many people’s stories, sometimes by just giving them an ear to vent out and other times offering words of advise. All in all, it’s been a struggle. I’ve not been writing at all. But more recently I’ve made it a point to read regularly. I’ve picked up The Outsider by Stephen King – it’s thrilling! If you’re not into “extremely weird” and nail biting who-dun-it, then look the other way, this one’s not for you.
I have so many things on my mind right now, so many feelings, so many decisions to make, so much to plan ahead that my INFJ indecisive mind is muddled. Everything is a chaos but I feel hopeful. I guess I just figured out why sleep eludes me tonight.